Video That Can Change Your World.

Thanks to Aidah, thankyouthankyou! I'm hearing 'KepadaNya (feat. Hady Mirza) - Taufik Batisah' from his new album, Suria Hatiku. I don't know where she got that song from but I don't give a damn. That song keeps playing over and over and over again even when I've closed my eyes.

There was this line that Taufik said, 'Wahai manusia sedarlah dirimu, hidup di dunia hanya sementara.' My mind was like, wow. With just one sentence, it made me reflect all those things that I've done in the past, even the bad things. Where will I go from here? That's the question. I know I'm excited over the new year, a new change but I'm scared. I'm scared if I would fall more deeper in and never to crawl back up to life. That's what I most feared of.

When my eyes were shut tightly, the song were still playing in my head. It's telling me something, to change my life, be good in life, think of the bad things I'll cause in near future. When my eyes were shut and the the song playing in my head, I can picture a video. The video was really a life-changing experience. It goes like this.
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Hakim lost his dad since he was a kid. His dad left his family in misery and never to return. Hakim had no choice but to stay with his mom in a one-room rented flat. Hakim fell for the wrong kind of friend when he entered secondary school. He bacame rude to his mom. He tries to show his true colours but due to his love for his mom, he dares not to.

One day, while his mom was watching the news. She saw Hakim on tv. It's not because of the good deed Hakim has done but he did something bad. He was caught for drug trafficking and was sentence to 5 years.

While Hakim was behind bars, regretting of what he had done, his mom fell sick. Crying for him all night, waiting for him to knock on the door. But waiting was finally over. She let out her last breath while praying to god for her son's safety. Noboby nor even Hakim's relative told him about his mom's death.

Hakim was release as early as it was stated due to his good behaviour behind the thick, dark and small walls. He wanted to suprise his mom and he soon took a taxi home. Upon reaching his flat, he saw many slippers and shoes outside his doorstep. He entered and he saw almost everyone with their shocked faces. He saw his uncle and asked where's his mom. All his uncle did was handing him a glass of water and asked him to sit down. Hakim refused and kept asking about his mom. The glass of water that he was holding slipped from his hands and broke into pieces. He fell flat to his knees. He didn't felt the pain in his knees but his heart was the one feeling it. He finally regret do what he did. He never wanted to leave his mom alone, crying for his mistakes.

He stared down to his mom's grave. Tears rolled down his cheeks as if those tears could bring her back to life. Like once his mom prayed for Hakim's safety, Hakim prayed to god for her safety in afterlife and her peace.
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I'm finally done! I want it to be recorded! I want a video of it! With 'KepadaNya (feat. Hady Mirza) - Taufik Batisah' as the soundtrack. But how? I have to send this to my uncle who had done 'Take On Me - A1' video and Taufik's 'I Dream' rejected video. But I only meet him like once in every year which is on Hari Raya. I want this video recorded and make everyone realise that you don't have much time in this world. But its not too late to change yourself.

Wahai manusia, sedarlah dirimu
Hidup di dunia hanya sementara
Dekatkan diri padaNya

I Yearn For Your Return.

What had happen to us? Why do we have to fight? Why do you have to leave? Why does everyone have to leave? Is it something that has to do with me? Or is my dance steps wrong?

Yesyesyes, finally! I'm over her! I woke up and I never have to go through what I had been going through lately. Tears didn't rolled down anymore, not thinking of you anymore cause I'm thinking of .... dancing? I realise that all is just a waste of time. Loving you while you're in love with someone else, crying every night and day while you're having a happy life outside.

I've been staying in this dark room of mine. Door and windows are closed. Not even a fresh air gets to enter this room. I could even make this room flooded if I cry every night and day... NOT! Which kind of freak can make a room flooded by their own tears? Life is not a cartoon world. Now its time for a change. 2009 is coming in 25 hours more. And I'm sure I'll be changing. Good or bad, its up to God. If good, I'll make sure I'll make everyone proud. If bad, then I'll chop off everone's head when they pissed me off.

Tomorrow's the last day of 2008. And nobody's free to go out with me? What the fish! I want to cuci mata people! I guess I have to watch the countdown on tv. Best jugak! There's a show, Love is Cinta, and I can't missed it. I want to watch it over and over and over again. There's more show on tv but I can't remember. Channel 5 is getting more and more entertaining, yknow. Air Force One coming, Underworld coming. What else? I heard One Tree Hill's coming back? Can't wait for 2009!

Leaving 2008 is kind of a pain in the ass, yknow. 2008 suddenly changed my whole life. Seriously, it did changed my life. For one moment, I was this nerd kid who had his baggy school pants, his armani hairstyle, his school socks was as high as a soccer socks (that's when I was in primary school!), gets bullied by almost all of his friends. But now, what had happen to me? Everything changed. But 2008 is when I felt different, as if I was more matured. 2008 is when I've changed my looks, my attitude and what more? If only I could rewind time back to October 2008, I would. I'll miss 2008.

i wanna dance!

A Lesson For The Young And Old.

Ever had a dream of wanting someone that you wanted to live with till you grow old? Ever had this feeling that you'll gonna be loved by someone special till forever? I do. I always have high hopes when I have someone in my arms. Hopes that can be too high and when it is smashed to the ground, the heart too, will be smashed and broken into small pieces. I don't understand why must everyone leave. Is it because of me or the love we shared were no longer there? But we did promised together that we will never leave each other, didn't we? Too love each other to the very best, too care for each other. That was all I asked for from love. But it seems so hard. It seems so damn hard that you can't take it and you have to leave. Leaving me in misery.

Its always been the same thing I'm going through in my life. When someone's loving me truely, madly, deeply, I'll take advantage of it. I asked for more. I always have to fall for another when I've got a good one by myside. Its just that I'm too easy to fall in love with just some sweet sentence.

I'm sitting here, staring at your dp every single night. Why has everything changed? What was lacking in me? I left someone for you. Everything I do never seems enough for you. That money I got to get you that ring was not from me, it was from grandma. She told me to keep it for my lunch but instead I bought it for you. But what happen? You lost it and you said you didn't cared. I'm not mad at you but I still love you. I want you back.

I went out with Nadia, Nadd, Faiz, ZhaoLiang and Haiqal. I don't know why when the boys were searching for chicks, I wasn't excited at all. I don't feel like finding a new one. Cause I know when I've found someone, that someone will sooner or later will leave me. And they were walking around the SkyPark, I was thinking of her. That was why I became quite. I'm confuse, damn it.

With this life of mine that I'm leading, I could teach the young and old of how unkindness of love can get. Never to fall in love with someone else when you've got one great girlf/boyf. If you leave your girlf/boyf for another one, its not going to last long. Trust me, karma do works. She believes that karma's gonna hit me one day, and it did.

25th; the day that it first started.

Now I finally understand why, why I was so damn sad, pissed off. Its 25th today. I didn't even notice the date till she texted me saying, 'Happy 1st month tak menjadi'. 25th November 2008; her birthday, our date. The day when I proposed and she said yes. The day that made me nervous as ever. The day that didn't go out as plan but still I made it happen. It all happen on that day. It just made me as happy as ever. 25th; forever in my heart.

Me and Butterfly are just gonna be friends. Guess what? She's dating some online guy name Aaron. She loves that guy. As soon as she said sorry, I knew something's wrong. Something bad's going to happen. And I was right. So it seems like I... am going to concentrate on my studies. 5 years and still will be counting.

Cb, I sound like a despo sia. Nak pegi, pegi ah. I'm not gonna say, I'll still love you. You're leaving me and why should I wait for you while you're enjoying your freaking life outside? I'm done with the 5 years. Penat aku count. Mcm budak bodoh sial. Peh puki ah!

I Can't Do It, I Just Can't.

Eventhough I've got Butterfly right back in my arms. I just can't do it. I can't fall in love. I just can't be in love. I'm too confuse right now. My mind is still thinking of her, my heart is still loving her. You should know who's her.

I just found out how my life is. Sometimes up, sometimes down. Like what Nadd says, I can even write a story about my life. It will be a great story. Very interesting cause it will include family problems, cheated by the same girl twice, loving two girls at the same time, breaking someone's heart, heartbroken by someone. Interesting right? Oh well, I'm too lazy to write about it. But I'm writing about something else. Yes Heamen, I'll complete it as soon as I can. Ok?

I'm too lazy to blog about today. I did met Butterfly. Not meeting her tomorrow, Friday and Saturday. Bye. I'll love her like I had never loved someone before.

Your Love Is All I Need.

I met Butterfly today/yesterday. I was waiting for Butterfly at around 9am at Clementi control station. For the love and for the work, I woke up early. The interview was at 2pm, but I just want to send her to work. I saw Butterfly and her mom. My mother-in-law to be? Still long way to go lah. I didn't recognise her cause she didn't wear the scarf that she always wears when I met her.

Went to Clementi's Mcd for breakfast. She wants to treat me but I just took the $2 meal. Not good to spend on other's money. Took 285 to Pandan Loop. The workplace was (no comment). Sent them and went to grandma's house to sleep.

Woke up at 1.35pm. I decide to cancel out the interview cause I don't think its the right time for me to work. I've to soccer training to attend every Monday and Friday without fail. I'm doing whatever it takes for GESS B'Division soccer boys to get through the semi-finals. I know its a big step, a big dream but I have faith with the boys. As a vice-captain, I must have faith. What's the captain doing? Where are you? Anyways, onward GESSians!

I went to Haqiz house to get my iPod cable and update on my music list. Finally, my iPod is working again. Glad to have it back to live. Then went back to grandma's house to wait for the time to pick up Butterfly from work.

Reached there around 5.30+pm. Waited, waited and waited. Finally saw her glum, tired face out of the building. She was shocked to see me, eventhough I've told her that I'm picking her up. From that glum, tired face I saw, it turns to a red, happy face. She can't stop laughing when she sees me, that's what she says. Crazy people. Lepak at her place till night? I don't know what time was that. But I knew I spent plenty time with her. And we can't stop laughing and smiling till tears came out. Tears of joy eh sayangku, bukan bende lain tau.

Sending Butterfly to work again tmr. Meeting at her house! (:

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Kau bagaikan udara
Yang membantu aku untuk terus hidup di atas dunia
Tanpamu ku lemah
Pasti aku tak perdaya
Kerna kau mahakarya cinta

Those Three Words Still Can't Come Out.

8 years of knowing you, 5 years of admiring you.

Two simply great, wonderful days. Yesterday and today. 21st and 22nd of december 2008. I finally got to see my old friend, my old crush. Without this friend of mine, Hajar, I don't know where to find her. For 8 years of knowing each other and 5 years of admiring her, I finally made my first move. For that 5 years of admiring her or loving her, I had never spoke those three words that I could easily said it to anyone.

We had lost contact for almost 2 years. But still that name of hers were still fresh in my heart. We had gone through lots of shits. Family problems, love problems and much more. To me, all those stupid problems would be gone when she's around me. Her presence would conquer all of it, step it, as if they had never happen. Maybe I couldn't find the right one to be my soulmate cause you were the one? Maybe all of the relationships I had were never to last long cause we were suppose to be together and last till forever?

Almost 2 years we lost contact, she really changed. From the bad girl to good girl. Lets say, Bad girl gone good. Her english was power! There's this slang in it, as if she's from the States. She never had lots of piercings anymore. The rest didn't change. Still love it this way. Her looks doesn't matter but her heart does.

Her name is 'Butterfly'. I gave her name randomly cause I don't want anybody to know. But two from the outside world has seen her, Heamenjit Singh and Jessie Lam. Goddamn it you two. Why Jurong Point? Watch at other places lah, alamak. All I know Heamen's gonna start his crap when he came online.

I thank you, Hajar, for bringing her back to me. Bringing her back to my life. Sincerely I said thank you.

Today/yesterday, 22nd of December. I was suppose to go for an interview that Butterfly told me about. Her mom wants people to work. Butterfly wants me to work with her so I took it. Was suppose to be there around 2pm. But I forgot about the soccer match between GESS and OSS. So I had to cancel the interview.

We won. Score? I don't know. All I know, we scored alot. And for the first time, I didn't score during the match. Mr Lim said I was the Man-Of-The-Match cause I worked really hard. Played Centre Midfield for the first time and I didn't really felt much tired. Stamina was good. I guess its because I'm cutting down on my ciggs? Happy? Happy ah! Man-Of-The-Match yknow! How good can I get?

After the match, I checked my phone. 3 missed calls from Butterfly. So I called back. She said she wants to go out, she invited me but I didn't picked up the phone. She said she's meeting Hajar at Fontier Library, so I followed. Hajar was mad cause we were late. Sorry babe! My fault. Hajar went back home, me and Butterfly went Jurong Point to eat. I only got $2+ and I thought of eating at Banquet but it was full of people. So we went to Mcd. Halfway while we were eating, guess who I saw? Heamen and Jessie. My mouth dropped, the Milo that I was holding almost slipped through my hands. I didn't expect anyone that I knew to be here, at Jurong. I guess Singapore's too small.

Sent Butterfly to her house which is located at Commonwealth. I was from Tiong to Jurong, then Jurong to Commonwealth. I was tired but she took it. I didn't felt pain or tired when she's around me. No joke. Inside the lift, I gave her a goodnight kiss. For the first time in 8 years, I gave her that kiss. Never I had the intention of doing it but it just happen. She went quite. As the door closed, she looked at me and said, 'I felt like not going home'. Maybe she thinking of staying with me tonight but I can't. With family problems I'm facing, it's not a good time to bring her home. One day, she will.

Should the love in me for her grows or should it just stay this way. Nadia! I need help!