Life Would Be Different Without You, I Swear.

Who here thinks that I'm better without Erna right now? Hands up. I'm here trying to tell the truth. If you had put your hands up, well fuck you. Where was I these past few months? Who was I close to these past few months? Why was I close with that particular person/family?

For these few months, I've been close to Erna's family. Her grandmom, her aunts, uncles, mom, dad, brother and sister. Want to know why? Cause with her family, I felt being loved, I felt somebody cared. I feel the company. I had someone to talk to. I felt entertained. Jokes that her mom made, everyone down there was open, funny. The kids had real childhood, unlike me. I was made to study real hard due to competitions around me. And I'm sick of studying anymore. I need life. Yes, I know I have to study but not that hard.

I have to tell people the truth, especially Erna that now my life has changed, I can't live without her. Cause she's the only one who brings me happiness. And I don't want to find another cause I know I can't find another like her.

In these 3 months, I feel complete. Its just 3 months and we're this close. Thanks baby. Love you no matter what.

Its Our 3rd!

Happy 3rd monthsary to us! This is the longest relationship that I ever had and yet I didn't regret the decision to have you in my life. You showed me love, in every way that you can. You cared for me when none else did. You brought me back to life.

3 month for me is damn fast. To picture back the first day we met, was hilarious. We didn't even had that thought of getting together. But what I know, I had the feeling for you long time ago. I still remember the first day we contacted. I was only with Thosei. He asked me who my crush was, then you replied my text. I was happy as hell. Its like, kite ditakdirkan gitu. Haha.

I remembered saying I'm sucked at everything. But you changed me to someone better. I don't know how, but you did it. I'm much more confident then I felt before.

I never get the day to spend the 27th with her alone. Do the things that I've always wanted as a boyfriend/soulmate. I wished I could.

Its Gonna Be Hell, Trust Me

I'm still at shocked, scared and guilty by the fact that someone is angry at me. I'm like a small kid waiting for Dad to get beaten up. But I didn't know what I did wrong. What I know is, he's angry/pissed off with me. He's finding me. I'm not a coward, never am. But I've already labeled him as my big brother eventhough I'm older than him. I don't want to fight a brother, I don't want any misunderstanding with a brother, I don't want to have any problems with a brother. So I'm running away from him. I'm taking my life out of trouble.

Baby, no matter what happens, I'll still love you. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. I'll never leave you. If we were to be forced to go our separate ways, my heart will never leave you. Without you, my life is incomplete. If we were to be separated, I'll never have the shoulder to lean on. I'll never have the shirt to wipe my tears away. I'll never get to smell that armpit. I'll never get to live the life that we've planned. I'm just scared things will be different.

Then this will be the only memorable pics we took. I still love you!

What's The Look Down For?

Why is getting in to ITE so wrong? Why to people look down on ITE students/schools? Just because majority of the students are stubborn? So what if they are stubborn? They could be more smarter than you? Like me, I rather choose ITE than going to sec 5. Cause I know that I'm lazy to study but I know I'll be better if I learn new things. But I know that ITE is not the last resort for me to end my education. So stop your critics about ITE and stop being too proud over yourself being in express stream/polytechnic/university, cause it doesn't matter to me. Farktards.

I love everything that you do hunney! I love the way you shake that ass! You know, I know. Haha! You're the best and I'll never leave you. Few more days left.

Finally Bald

I took a long time thinking whether to get bald or not. I lost my long hair so long ago. I don't care about my hair cause I don't need to be hot. I know I am. Nyet! Haha. So people, I had cut my hair bald. I look like I'm doing my National Service. I look older, like abangabang.

Most of my friends didn't recognize me for a moment. Azhar and Thosei wanted to get bald too. Luckily for them, I brought down my shaver. So I shaved for them. Guess where we did it? In the public, at the void deck, outside Appy's house. Malu worr. The hardest hair to cut was Thosei's. So curly wurly. Like bulu jenggut. HAHA!

Well pictures below.

Shocked, Very

I was expecting my results to be very bad. 25 points or more. But end up to be 18 points for 4 subjects. I was super shocked. I didn't study and yet I got this good grades. What if I studied, could have gone sec 5. I have 1 ungraded subject which is Combine Humanities. English and Malay each have 4 points. Maths and Science each have 5 points. All that subject, I didn't even studied. I'm not disappointed but I'm proud, happy.

Baby followed me to school. I wanted her to come, meet my schoolmates and be there for me if I'm sad or whatever. Really thankful that she came cause I wouldn't know what to do if she's not there. Was stressed up for a moment before taking my results. I was told that I couldn't take my results due to school fees. I didn't know that I've not paid my school fees. How am I still gonna study if I have not been paying school fees. Damn.

I lost the paper/letter that shows what courses that I could take. Maybe I misplaced it or dropped it somewhere. I'm so careless. But lucky enough, Baby and me were smart that we had marked what courses that I could take in the booklet. Phew.

That's about it. I'm too lazy to update anyway but I got my ass up just for you readers. I'm gonna bath. Bye!

You Gave Me Strength

Is it fair? The way you were brought up by your parents is different. I didn't get freedom until I was sec 2. Parents giving me high hopes. I remember them setting my PSLE aggregate score too high that they know I could get. They want me to be better than one of my cousins, in fact, all of them. They don't want their face to fall, they only think about themselves.

Small brother has their love. Every mistake he did was just going to be lectures. I was given 240 target for my PSLE aggregate. But brother got less than 150. And he didn't get any scoldings. Great. That's fair to them?

Everything changes since 2005. Everything turns to hell. I'm felt lonely, nobody to talk to, every single mistake I made, I'll get fucked up. Until 27 sept 2009, I felt better. I felt love, strength.

If you read back my archives, I never lied. I was alone. I'm jealous friends having a good family. They have someone to talk to when they're home. But me? Every time when I'm home, I'll be do my own things in my room. I eat alone, unlike other family. So what's the point of going back home when I'm left alone in the room? If only I could stay with Baby's family, I'd be happy.

The Day That Can Never Be Forgotten

I went out to Malaysia with Baby's family. Shopping, bowling, farming, etc. Had lots of fun down there. Even watched New Moon at City Square. Slept during the middle part of the movie. Its not the movie that sucks, I know what would happen next cause I had read the book more then 10 times? Photos below.

Farming was the coolest thing ever. The turkey was super big. Size? Half of me. Imagine how big was that! The ducklings were the cutest thing. Following the mom everywhere she went. Pluck out chillies. Chopped off sugarcanes.

Bowling with her family was relaxing. The curling shots impressed them. Chey. Hahaha. Such a long time since I last played bowling.

Our enjoyable day was cut by a phone call. Rush back to Singapore as soon as possible and went straight to NUS. Saddest thing ever happen.

Our son. Nah, he's Baby's cousin. Cute kan? I know.

Hiatus For The Moment.

I've been very busy lately. I might be free on 2 December. I'll post about 27th. One hell of a day! Super gerek!

Don't Leave

Something is holding me back. I feel different, weird now. Should I worry about us? Should I worry about the future? I still need you.

We've gone through a lot. We had fights but still we're one, still strong. I had watched you sleep, cry, laugh, smile. I love the way you looked at me in the eyes, smiling deeply inside, telling me those 3 words. Everything about you is perfect to me. I wouldn't ask for more. All I'd ask is your love and trust. I had given you my heart, my trust. Don't care about jealousy, its normal. It will soon fade away. But the end of everyday, I never fail to say that I love you more, more than anything else in this world.

I didn't want to have another relationship until you came to my life. I'm showing others that I do cherish the love you gave me. I'm not the old me. This is new, everything is new. I don't want the same thing to happen to me once again. My heart is healed by you. Take care of it. I love you.

5 more days. :)

This Has To Stop

If you could notice, I'm getting skinnier every single day. I didn't notice anything at all until yesterday's meet up at Clementi. Some say I'm getting skinnier. I couldn't get a grip of it, kept taking it. I have to eat more and stop this bad habit. I don't mind of how hard it will get, I'm still going to stop.

I miss you. I miss your calls. I miss your text. I miss you too much. ):

The Only Hope Now

You and me made up an equation. No matter how bad it is, my love will never change.

Just a fraction of your love fills the air

And I fall in love with you all over again

You're the light that faced the sun in my world

I'd face a thousand years of pain for my girl

Out of the things in life that I could fear,

The only thing that would hurt me is if you weren't here

I don't want to go back

To just being one half of the equation

You understand what i'm saying?

Girl without you i'm lost

Can't face this focus at heart

Between me and love

You're the common denominator

You're the common denominator

Before your love was low

Now you're just my height

You changed the game that would put my card to this side

A broken heart rise up to say

Love is a lie

You and I would stand to be multiplied

Out of the things in life that I could fear,

The only thing that would hurt me

Is if you weren't here

I don't want to go back
To just being one half of the equation

You understand what i'm saying?

Girl without you i'm lost

Can't face this focus at heart

Between me and love

You're the common denominator

You're the common denominator

I can't imagine life without your touch

Every kiss that you give can fill me up
And every all heartaching

Jealous females hate it

I'mma hold it down for you

(Common Denominator - Justin Bieber)

Stop. Think.

I came to think that what I've done is wrong. I'm getting more and more violent. Some had noticed it. I regret what I've done and I won't be leading this life with danger and humiliation. I never knew that things could get worst if I continue this. Think, if I were to continue this, my family would be involved too. I come from a good family. Parents are open to friends who I have. They would be ashame if they got to know this.

I have to think before I do or talk. I have to picture the consequences. I have to be in others shoes.

Its hard to get a perfect life where people respect you. I respect others, but I can't seem that they do. Going through the bad way doesn't even change the respect that I'm suppose to get. Maybe I don't have to follow the influences around me to get respect.

Seriously, I'm done with fighting. I'm done leading my life with danger. I'm done leading my life with humiliation. I'm an adult now, no more acting or behaving like a kid.

Perfect Situation

I let love down the drain. Yeah, I did. I suck at relationship. I do. All I did was giving in, giving in. I never told her about my whereabouts. I thought she might not know, so I kept it. I kept it cause I don't want her to get jealous and angry about this, not because I'm cheating on her. I never even want to do those stuffs anymore.

She knew about me meeting someone few days back. She's angry, super angry. After hours of talking, she finally told me the cause of her temper. I apologised to her and told her I will tell her about my whereabouts when I go out without her. Everything when fine, but suddenly changed. Now I'm holding on to the rope. Almost about to fall. But still I'm holding on.

If we were to break, I'm going single. I'm not going to have another relationship even if I hoping for one. But still I'm holding on to you now. Love you.

Them. Us. Crash.

They pissed me off. I'm trying to cool things down but they played with fire. Didn't mama told you not to? Chiko Seven, watch out. Something's swinging. Trust me.

I MISS SKATING! AND NOTHING IS GOING TO HOLD ME TODAY!

I Miss You People, I Swear.

Came down Redhill to meet Anna, my close friend since my retained year. Had a catch up talk about her life and mine, but mostly hers. I miss her. She did change after she got retained. Didn't get close since then. I miss those times. Remember, don't do stupid stuff during your probatation period. If can change yourself. You're life, you're choice. I don't have the right to control you. I miss you Anna!

After meeting Anna, straight when down RC kipas to meet my girl who is alone down there. Gosh, I miss her badly. Didn't get to contact her for 48 hours and it kills me slowly. And finally get to see that pretty face of hers. I gave her many pecks of kisses that could get irritating if I kept doing it. Something tells me that she's not feeling well now. Argh, how to contact her! God, help me. I miss you badly Baby!

When back home and started my online chats. First thing that came popping out at the bottom right side of my screen was Adian. Quickly double-clicked on her and we chatted. Gosh, how long was it since we last talk? Super long I guess? I do miss her irritating text. Haha, jkjk. She told me that some guys in my school talked good stuff about me. I'm shocked, I am. I thought I have a lot of haters. Our conversation was cut short after her dad came checking up on her. Damn. I miss you Adian!

There's more that I do miss. Nurdiana Erniwaty, Nur'Ain, Aisyah, Nadia, Nadheera. Those names not mention, I do miss all of you, but many to be listed. Sorry!

I Miss You So.

I have not even get a chance to close my eyes since yesterday. I worried, yes I am. God only knows. Had a serious talk with Rafi and Azhar this morning, and I'm taking precaution. Not that I don't trust her, just that I'm not going to lose this relationship that I really cherish so much. Be friends with anybody, I don't really mind. But note, even if I'm jealous, I understand that you need friends too. Never I had this kind of relationship that had lots of obstacles. We've gone through a lot and I'm not losing this. I love you v much.

Love is like a rope. You don't handle it well, you'll fall.

Everything New!

I'm gonna buy new deck, wheels, trucks and bearings. Everything new! Shoes? I have 3 skate shoes at home. Etnies, Vans and Adidas. I'm either choosing the Kingston RS or Kingston PJ deck, Thomas White trucks, Big B wheels and that bearings. Total cost $265. I'm gonna work my ass off to get that money. No matter what I'm buying that.

Today's 27th. My 1st month with baby. But we didn't do anything memorable, and I don't mind about that. One whole day was with my friends. But the next 27th, we're going out. Swensons? She likes that. I want a candlelight dinner, eat below the stars, near the beach. That's more romantic for sure. But where?

Syg, hanya kamu yang mampu berdiri di sisiku bila ku bersendirian. Menunjunkkan apa ertinya cinta. Memenuhi hatiku dengan penuh kasih sayang. Walaupun di dalam percintaan kami ada pergaduhan besar ataupun kecil, ku berjanji hanya kamu yang ku akan sayang sampai akhir waktu. Hatiku teruntuk kamu. Tak mau nangis ye. Sayang you banyakbanyak. I'm not perfect but I'll do the best I can to be perfect for your eyes, your heart and most importantly, your life. You're my one and only, the one that makes me crazy. I love you, swear i do.

As The Sunsets.

Spent a day with my girl at West Coast Park. We talked, watched the sunset. Finally I had time alone to show off the romantic side. If only the view is just the sea and the sun without those ship thingy, I would be so attracted to the sun's glare.

All of a sudden, the guy I once cried for came into my mind. And I almost shed tears again. The pain was still hard for me to contain. Baby gave me a hug and I felt better. I knew I will never be alone, even when I have no friends around me. All I need was her. We are the same, and we know that. We help friends, we care for friends but we get nothing.

"What are relationship for? Girlf can mean anything. It can be your lover, listening ear, adviser, mother to you, wife to you, a bestfriend etc."

I Care Less.

I thought going out with RC cliques yesterday would make me feel happy again. But the pain in my heart was too hard to handle. Tears almost fell. Where were my friends? Where was Diana, where was Nadia, where was Izham, where was everyone? These people were the ones so-called-close to me. Not a single person came asking about my life now, not even anyone cared about me. I now understand. Its in the genes. My family were made to be lonely. Don't come to me and say sorry. Cause its not your fault.

I'm always the odd one out. It's like I'm always the last one on people's mind. Sad though but I'm containing myself. Never cry for friends anymore. I wasted tears for you. My life now is just me, family and Erna.

Air mata sudah tiada,

Namun luka smakin berdarah.

Di manakah rasa kasihan,

Adakah hilang nafsu badan?

Everything Has Changed.

From my point of view, everything has changed. Compare life then and now, it does changed. I no longer have a bestfriend or closefriend that I could talk to when I'm down. Everyone had left me all by myself. Don't even think that its because of my status now. Even when I'm single, I'm the lonely guy walking aroung Jurong all alone when I needed someone to talk to. Nobody knows who I really am.

I used to have a friend who I once ever cry on his shoulder because I knew I was a freak last time. But now, he's too busy studying, hanging around with his schoolmates rather than to know how my life has been. When I'm in school, I'm doing my own things. Straight after school, I'll be alone smoking at RC and then leave just as soon as I'm done with smoking. He thinks I'm busy with my skate and my girl now. Maybe, everyone thinks the same way too. Well, truthfully, I made myself busy cause I'm always by myself alone and I couldn't take the pain of being alone. See, nobody knows who I really am. If you say I'm your bestfriend, shame on you. Cause now, I have nobody other than my girl.

You see baby. I have nobody by my side. Its only you. And if you leave, I'm nothing. I'm sorry. I swear I love you. Don't leave me please.

Hari Berganti Hari.

Every night, after busy thinking about how it started, I'll always be smiling to myself. Picturing back to the first time I met her, the time we played soccer together and now holding each other's hands tightly. Its like a fairytale which you think would never happen, but it did. She's the first for almost everything. She was the first girlf that we laugh till our stomach felt the bursting sensation just because of our stupid little super lame jokes/craps. She was the first open-minded girlf. There's so much more of her that when we were to split up, there's so much memory of our love. Every breath I took, I could smell you.

I know that I can't see you as often as I like, I know that I can't have you in my arms through the night. But, deeply in my heart, I know that no matter how far we are, we know that we're close in our hearts. I love you baby! -Nur Erna Kuzirah

I'm the moon when you're the star that surrounds all over me. Your love is pure and never-ending. Your kiss is like a comet hitting the moon which leaves a mark on my heart. I love you always! -Danny Sheckler

That's the longest she can give. Cute kan?

Ohh La.

Yesyes. I've got back my cyberlife back again. I miss chatting online till late nights. I miss certain people, especially my bestfriend. ):

My N had ended on Thursday. I'm free from school now! I have to find work though, I've got to taste hard life which is about to happen in a few years time. Gosh, time is precious. It seems like its getting faster everyday. Stop thinking, start living.

Slowly and slowly, I'm losing more and more friends. Sometimes I like being alone, but I love when there's company. I no longer have a friend to talk to when I'm down. I no longer have a friend to lean on. I no longer have a friend to laugh with. Without baby, I don't know how life would be. And I'm glad I have a bestfriend whom I called my girlf.

Life has been better ever since she came. My nights had been easier for me to sleep well. We fought, I smiled. The way she gets excuses to find a way to start a fight is just simply cute. I can't describe the feeling I had for her, I don't know how to show her how much she meant to me. All I could think of was just a kiss on the cheek and whisper to her the 3 simple words that has a heavy meaning to it. I still think that was not enough. I have to show more, but how?

I love the way she took out her small little tongue.

I swear I love you; 270909

I Smell Blood

I heard you talked bad behind my back. I never did about you. Said that I'm always busy with Girlf and my skate. Well, I'm always busy because I'm bored. I'm bored because you didn't care. I ran away from Pondok because I was invincible. When was the last time you asked me to go Pondok? Hmm, idnk. Heart pain, eyes boils. If not for Naz, you'll be kissing my shoe. Great, now you've talked bad, I'll be gone. You'll only see me when Naz is around. Take care.

To who? Sapesape uh yang terasa.

I'll Miss You Badly

Birthday was such a bore. Well truthfully, every year is sure a bore. I was woken up at 7am with a cake and candles lighted up in front of my face. My parents and my brother got the wrong timing cause I was super sleepy, and I didn't not get a good look at the cake. But well, good effort btw. I skated at Queenstown alone in the morning and then off to RC outside school just to cool off. Suprisingly, almost everyone knew my birthday. Relax for awhile and then off to Clementi. This is not an offence but, it seems like Pondok is getting boring everytime I come. Is it because of the National Exams or everyone has gone different ways? Only God knows. So I went to JRC and found out nobody was there. Minutes later Girlf came first then the rest. Girlf went to JP with my cousin and came back with a 'bolster' with has a perfume smell. Mane tah drg angkut tu perfume. So that is how boring m birthday is. If anybody asked me out on my birthday and made a suprise, I'll be super duper shock. Hmm.

I'll miss you Naz. The only friend that touches my heart with every word he said. I cry.

The Extreme Skateboarding

I am so jealous. I was stuck on watching almost all of the skating videos posted on YouTube for about 3 hours and I get the steps of doing tricks but I scared of doing it. Yeah, scared. Time to fear nothing. I might be going Queenstown or just streetskating. Lets try kickflip or 180 tomorrow.

I Want Only One Thing

I never fail smile when you're beside me. You made me moved on, officially. You made me forget about my past and start thinking about our future. Eventhough we always fought, you made me love you more. I swear I love you. Please make this last.

I made a promise to myself. When I'm back to love life, I'm going to make things last. I'll make sure it will last. That's the reason I've been careful lately. Yes, I've done wrong in the past. But, I've moved on. End that chapter and start a new one. I've buried _ pics, everything that is _ I've thrown them away.

Dee, I still love you as my bestfriend. Its up to you to carry on our 5 years of friendship. I'm not giving up on my love cause you once called me a 'player'. And that is why I'm not giving this up just because you feel bad contacting me, I'm making this last. Being attached, does not mean we can't contact anymore. Think about it alright. You inspire me to be the best, you showed what love is like. So I'm sorry if you want to leave. Your choice, your decisions.

If there are haters out there, say what you want to say. Sweet-talk-mother-f*cker? I don't care. Your bad comments is what I always needed to pull me up. I swear I'll make this last.

First It Boils, Now Its Off The Limit.

I'm already stressed up! Thank you people for making this happen. I didn't asked for trouble, but yet trouble came. Sounds like its time for me to shut a lot of people up. Before you even think of creating trouble down here, try creating trouble face to face. I'm sure that would be more easier to settle things out.

To HannaBintang;
Thank you for making me pissed off early morning. A very big thank you. You made me break my fast. I cried and cried on the way to school. Thanks for telling me I'm useless cause I can't move on. Yes, I'm useless. Good! I'm useless to be a friend of yours. I'm no more you babypartner, I ONLY want to be your cyberfriend. Nothing more. Nothing left to say, then shush!

And to Fatin Ahterawr;
If I could show a big middle finger to you and tell you to suck this finger of mine, I would. What's the problem with you, huh? Did I even say I want them to fight? Did I mention that I want her back? Fcuk no. And I said IF she would give me the chance, NOT please give me a chance. But I know I won't get it. Cause I'm not that pathetic to wait for a girl who is happy living her life. Please kindly understand the words that has been type out. Its in English, hello? And your vulgarities is seriously not needed. If you aren't happy with me, then meet. Sort things out face to face, not in tagboards. You said be in Ryan's situation? Be in my situation, fcuk! I am trying so hard to move on. Yet, did things change? No! Brains people brains! Mentangmentang, berkawan ngan dia, pikir kau jiwer dia sangat uh? Isap dalamdalam. Kawan lain semua mana? Buang kat mana pulak? You came for trouble, here it comes. You think I don't know where you're schooling at? I have friends there eh. Pikir dua kali. Tak dua, tiga eh. Thank you.

Memang Khilafku

I'm fcuked up right now. Too much going inside my mind. I know, its my fault. Or was it really my fault? What did I do? I could not understand why. Adakah ini takdir Allah?

Clock struck 12am. What's the date today? 09/09/09. It could be already a year if I'm still with you. I swear I miss you. I purposely made 09/09/08 to be our date. Now, its just me standing facing a world alone. Every part of geylang is a memory of us. We break fast under the tree eating Ramli Burger. I swear I do miss those times. Somethings happen and we went apart. I was dumb, WAS. If you could give me the chance to be with you again, I swear I would cherish it with all my heart.

I went to every website, trying to find a space where you're still active in. Livejournal. Your new diary of your life. I read all of your archives, hoping for my name to appear. If it does, I'll be glad cause you do still remember me and you still think of me. But, nothing. Good that you're happy now. I'll hope you've find the partner of your life. Happy advance birthday, Balqis.

"Senyummu enggan pergi
Tawamu mengiringi
Wajahmu ku terbayang
Hadirmu dalam mimpi
Umpama bidadari
Potretmu ku tatapi
Mengharap kau kembali
Memang ku rindu saat bersamamu
Memang tak mampu melupakanmu
Tapi ku tahu semua itu
Tak akan kembali lagi
Terima kasih aku ucapkan untuk percintaan ini."

To You;
Listen, you know you're a good friend. And I just want to be friends with you. I don't think I would want a girlf right now. Eventhough I sometimes said I'm a lonely soul standing in the middle of nowhere with none around me. But that sometimes is only just for awhile and its gone, cause I know I have friends around me. And I'm glad to know you. I turned that sad face of yours to something what you always wanted. That is what I always wanted. You've read my past, you knew what happen. I wouldn't want the same thing to happen. I can't trust you yet, cause we just knew each other. You are going things too fast. I felt this awkward feeling whenever you called me, 'baby' or 'babypartner'. I'm sorry I have to do this, cause I need to slow things down. I have other 4 people to contact. So I hope, we could contact not like everyday. Once in awhile, maybe? Once again, I'm sorry if I broke some part of your heart.

That Painful Feeling

I was checking my post when I found this post saved in my drafts. I knew this about a friend of mine but who was it? I can't remember who it was. But this was the last story telling I wrote since I was gone. But I don't think its completed.

He just stood there, shocked of what he had just heard. For all those while he waited for her, hoping for a miracle to happen, it all goes down the drain. All his efforts he had put for her, to impress her but she just couldn't see all of that. All he wish was him to be the perfect one for her.

"She's attached with another guy dude," I told him with sympathy. I tried my very best to change my words before I speak but it still seems too harsh for him. Even the best editors can't make it sounds much better.

That was the last words I told him when I met him last Friday. I needed to tell him what's going on in her life. I don't want him having high hopes for a girl that is not being truthful to others. I don't want him to be hurt by this simple lie. Cause he is one of my close-friends.

He confessed to her. He let out everything that is kept in his heart all those while. 1 year he had waited, 1 year he kept quiet. Her mouth were shut, ears were wide open. She could believe that he confessed to her again. The last time she got to know that he was in love with her was a year ago.

Hard Is The Name

Why does it have to be a longer route just to get to some place near? It was so clearly seen that I could have a better life but another party came crashing in. Now I know why hot girls are easy to find but hard to get. Not; hard to find, easy to get. I'm slowly trying to erase her from my mind but not my heart.

Sooner or later, there could be a war between them. One called police, switch stories making our name to be a disgrace. Even me, I was blamed for making a cousin to start smoking when I didn't even do a thing. We meant no harm, but this has gone too far. Court case? Let's see.

I had enough of this romours spreading around me. Why must their mouth have to bitch about me? What wrong had I exactly done to them? This is my year to shut a lot of people up.

I can't believe N'Level is coming in a few hours time. Biggest exam of my life. I have yet to study and I'm lazy to even open a book. Even if I do, my mind will wonder to other country. Friends? Do they even force me to study? Yes, they did. One or two even start to nag like their moms. But, they encourage me for just a day or two. Then they're of studying with someone else. What I mean is, I'm not studying for the sake of my friends. I am studying for my own, but I need someone to accompany me, teach me.

Live life to the fullest. I know, no link.

It Haunts Me Still

Guess who's back? Back again? Dan is back, tell your friends.

9th Sept is coming. I know I'm not suppose to post anything about this. But fcuk, my blog, my life. Problem, find me. It haunts me still and I can't get myself out of this situation. Someone help? No, I'm doing this on my own. I'm sure I can move on.

I've been lately MIA-ing from my friends. Sometimes I feel great being alone, but sometimes I fell different. I do missed them but I can't do anything about it. I'm having problems and I can't seem to solve it. Until it's solved, I'm back to normal life.

I missed my bestfriend. I missed my friend. I missed you.

I Miss You So

Great, you're back!
I miss you so.

eff-you-see-kay why-ohh-you

Sometimes beginning aren't so simple,
Sometimes goodbye is the only way

Lonely. Everytime the word is spoken, whether it came out from my mouth or my heart, a sharp pain came poking through my heart. It's a common thing for me to be lonely. Since kindergarden, primary school and even secondary school. I was always the uncool one.

Respect. I never fail to respect others until I realised that I never received any. You can say that I've changed. I've changed for you people to realise that there's none out there like me. But.. things became more haywire.

Punctuality. The most important thing in my life cause since kid, I was trained to be punctual. I was always the earliest. I could still be 1 hour earlier eventhough the meeting place is at the other end of this island. Every outing, every slacking day, I was always the first one. I was the furthest one whereas you were the closest one. The most closest one, just a few meters away from meeting place, can still be one hour late. I thought of a plan for you to feel how it feels to be waiting for someone who is late. But from what I know, I was never one hour late, maximum arrival time will be less than half an hour. Some are okay with it, some aren't. When I think about it, I do feel guilty and bad, yes I do. But do you? After being late, do you feel bad?

I had a moment of peace after all the talks. I realise something that I never had thought of. The relationship between me and my friends gone amiss ever since I got back this attached life. Yes, matter of fact it is. Everything changes because of this status. I never spend much time like we used to. Raise your hands if you think its true.

Time for a change. Goodbye readers. Oh ya, I'm at Izham's house.

'Even the greatest have to suffer sometime' - Muhammad Ali

Friendship Is Never A Problem Since This Happen

Specially for you,

From what I think, it's because of the stupid, selfish post, things has changed. Did you see the change yet? Did you see the so called 'attendance'? We are getting smaller due to your post. No more fun during our lepak, no more activity, no other conversation.

Tell me, what kind of lesson should we learnt? By your stupid, selfish words in your blog can make us learn? Well, to me it only brings out the anger in everyone of us. You said you got your ways? Well, writing in your blog is not a good kind of way. For your information, you are trying to tell the world that we are changing to one of the bad kinds of people out there. That is your way, huh? I'll remember these words, 'Jaga hati and perasaan korang.'

Day by day, from Jurong West to Clementi, 45mins ride, I came down to kill the time. I was the furthest among all, I came first while you people took your time. I'm not mad at all cause at least you people came down. But now, things has changed. 4 is the maximum number of people present down there. Lets see how many more can survive your selfish words.

When There's Life, There's Problems.

After reading the particular post in that blog, I was wondering whether are we still kids and not a grown up yet. What did we do wrong? We did not pick up fights, problems came to us. The words written on the personal blog was way too harsh. Why to the world? Why do you want to tell the world about us? Why can't you talk about it to us before you wrote those things? I may not be your ex-schoolmate but I'm one of the friends that you always slack with. Anyways, the pondok is open for everybody. We're just waiting for your return.

I'll be back with more of my long post. I'm sure you'll missed it.

The End Has Finally Happen

Goodbye to 18 March 2009, hello freedom!

Days past so quickly and I wasn't sure of the decision yet. Do I have the courage to end it or suffer along with her? Family members and friends didn't like the idea of me being with her, although they gave the 'cool' face.

It was 7am and the sun rises above the dark skies. I was ready to end it then but something tells me not to. My hands were shaking badly, so badly till she wondered why. So I just canceled out the plan to end the relationship. Cause I can't bare to see her cry infront of me again, not this time.

Just imagine the pain that I was going through. I had no time for her anymore cause I had to take care of my brother for like every single day. And the distance from her place to my place was too far and by the time I reached home will be late. Somewhat, I have to hang around at Clementi. If only she could be there everywhere I go, it would be easier for me. So I decided to end it.

The next day, we're over. Just like that my love for her had fade. She wasn't understanding at all. What makes me say that was because of what she said in the text message. This is what she wrote; "So friends are more important than me?"

Enough of talking about her. Makes me fired up. So bye! Will post again ASAP.

Still Inactive, Sorry!

Hi! I'm sorry for I have been so inactive for a very long time. My comp is still down and I am having a very hard time to get it fixed back. Anybody who knew how to solve this fucked up thingy, please try to contact me. Thank you!

Well, I'm basically at my cousin's crib, using her comp while everyone is busy looking at what am I typing. Screw them anyways. So, back to my life. Its been boring lately. Nothing much happens. Exams are over and I am so the very happy babe. Eventhough exams are on, I still don't know why I don't take it seriously. During the papers, I slept the whole paper. I don't care less about exams. I did study. Yes, I did people. Study for like less than 1hour 15mins. At least I did study.

Okay, anyways. Some are curious about my relationship with Zurfiqah. Its not going quite well lately. Everyday meet, everyday fight. But the love is still not fading though. She's not the best there is YET, i know who's the best all this while. Nadia, you-know-i-know-they-don't-know. I miss her soooo much!

Anyways, talking about missing people. I miss lots of people sia. First of, Nurdiana Erniwaty Binte Ismail, Balqis Binte Razak. 2 person that I want to meet so damn badly. But when? Tell me when.

Okay, I'm done now. I have lots to do now. I'll try to blog ASAP. Sorry readers about the wait.

112th

Am I really that heartless, Danial? I feel both bad and mad. :-(

Awaaay

Hi, I've forgotten to do what I was ordered to, which is to blog that Danial would be inactive for the time being due to break-down of his computer. He's doing great so far, I supposed, and so is his relationship with Ika. He'll be back when it is time.

With luv, Nadia

Never Fails

I'll love you till the very end.

I might be on haitus due to lack of study and lack of rest. I'm trying my very best to get my life as free from any meet ups with anyone as possible. I'm sorry if I have to cancel out your plans with me. I understand now that I have to balance out time with lots of stuff. Study and rest are the first one for me to catch up with. But I'll blog every week, if possible. Talking about every week, I won't be out every Saturday with TKR anymore. So sorry guys, you know your mistakes. Change it.

I'm having trouble with this group of 'friends' lately. They have been the most annoying group I have ever known. What I know and what I think is that, they're are jealous with me having baby right by my side.

One of the members had and is having a crush with baby, but I'm cool with that cause he was a close friend of mine. So I didn't do anything with him, but ignored. When the ignoring continues, he kept climbing on my head. He kept sending text messages to baby, and she too could repied back. My brain cells when bursting when I found out that someone told him that me and baby broke up, which was a lie. So we got up to a fight. I had prepared a text message if we really had to break us up.

But things went safe. Nothing had happen to us. We thought of building our trust by not sending text messages to each of the person that me and her hates. She agreed, me too.

Readers, give me some tips to what I am suppose to do with this guy who has been interfering our relationship. What is the best way to do it? I don't want to hurt him, cause he was my 'close-friend' and I still treat him as a brother of mine.

Friend or Foe?

Some friends envy and wants you to suffer.

Some friends can be or are like this. Most of my primary school friends were like this. So its easy for me to see who would be the one stabbing each other from the back. I was stabbed not once, but many times. Not one, but two person stabbing slowly on my back. I ignored, I just acted as if I didn't know. I acted as if I was stupid, when I know I wasn't.

This particular person was a close friend. Super close that I have never had any friends at all. I didn't treat him as my close friend cause I know stabbing would come sooner or later. From the expression on his face, I know something bad would turn soon. And it came sooner than I expected. I saw the expression, the roll of the eyes, the fast opening and closure of the lips. It was alright though. I just said, 'If you hate me, tell me straight to my face'.

Me and baby fought because of this. I was scared. Not scared for the fact I'm having conflict with her family, but scared our relationship will be thrown down the drain. I didn't want to make things worst, so I was the one apologising to the other party. Everything went fine. But will it last? Only God knows.

Our love shines from the dark sky down to Earth,

Like a star shining around the solar system.

You're the only one that I want,

You're the only one that I love.

Was It You?

HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY ARSYAD!
Sorry I didn't know much about you yet. But still, you are the man of the day! There will be me when you need someone to talk to, alright?

I am addicted to my own blog. I've been reading it for like more than 10 times per day, or even more. I've been trying to spot the good english that readers have been talking about. What so good about it? Really, I'm not even impressed of my own writings.

I am currently super bored right now. I'm not even at pondok or at baby's house cause I don't even want to see their faces. Irritates me. So I gave a stupid reason; my brother's home alone. Finally, peace is mine!

I've found another irritating friend! One by one, you're starting to get on my nerves. This one is not that irritating though, but still gets my day fucked up. This person kept changing his/her blog address. He/she has changed it for more than 10 times. Irritates me, seriously. Please lah, don't change your URL every now and then, don't follow your mood. For example, you're so happy cause for some reason and you felt there's a change for a URL. So you changed it to ilovemyass.bs.com. Then few days later, your boyfriend ditched you for some guy/girl and you felt like an ass. So you wanted to change you URL to ihatemyass.bs.com. Seriously, this irritates me. You have done this for alot of times. Last warning, one more time you changed it, don't even beg me to relink you.

To the first irritating one, you don't get it do you? What's so hard to just text me? What's so damn bloody hard? Your reason for the call was just to ask me to go pondok, not to slack down there but just to buy you something. God, you're irritating. Why me? Why?! Don't you have the brains? I'm staying at Jurong while the rest are just a couple of blocks away. Why do you want me to travel that far just to buy you that something? Where has you brains gone to? You're making me regret forgiving you, seriously.

Some might wonder why am I showing attitude lately. Thanks to baby, I know how to stand up for myself. I have been keeping to myself from being fucked up, I've been showing my good side too much. Get ready to endure hell!

Talents In The New Generations

I went down to Westcoast Plaza yesterday. There's this dance competition going on down there. They're searching for the best group in the West but still the East freaks came down too. The performance was cool and hip. A few groups made me closed my eyes as it was too painful to watch. I witness something new coming to Singapore.

The coolest dance so far in the island is Tecktronic or even shuffling still. As I watched a few groups dancing yesterday, something caught my eyes; Krumpin. Krumping is the most violent but coolest dance in other country especially in US. But its coming to Singapore now, slowly but surely. Not to say that I'm racist but I think Malays did it much more smoother and cooler than the Chinese. Overall, Malays are much more talented than the Chinese.

Moving on, I finally got the chance to watch television today. For such a long time, I didn't get to watch any tv shows. I've been going out and reached home damn late. This has to stop though. My schoolbooks aren't touched yet, my room is in such mess. Even if I can go out, I won't. Cause I hate cocked-up plans. What's the use of going out with a few peoples that is so lazy to travel anywhere? Plans are plans. They are not meant to be cancel out. I know this would happen again, so easy as said, I might not meet you guys anymore. Sorry, change your attitude before mine turns to hell.

F1 is surely getting tougher. New drivers, new cars. Brawn Mercedes are surely the fastest to adapt to the new Grand Prix. Both new cars were the first to qualify. That's a great start for them. So if you want to get easy money, bet on Jensen Button. But still I'm a Kimi Raikonen fan though.

Great, two girls fighting because of me. Just because I approve to be someone's abang angkat, baby's mad. What to do?!

Serious Matter.

Friends are like balloons. If you let them go, they never to return.

I have been wondering about this two lady friend of mine. Wondering if they were doing fine. We have not been talking on the phone, have not text each other and have not met for a long time. And I do certainly missed spending time with them. Hougang is the place where I really missed so much. The mall, the blocks, the playground. For Jurong West, I don't really missed it much cause I've always been passing by those places whenever I return home. But certainly I missed hang out with the people that I've been slacking long ago.

Both were currently attached but I'm fine with that. I've buried the past and I don't even think of digging it back up. And I don't have the intention to ruin their relationship. Why should I ruin their's when I have mine to care about? Stupid.

One of them had a boyfriend who is so damn protective over her. Wrote her name once and immediately she text me the next morning saying that I should not write her name again cause her boyfriend doesn't like it. I don't give a damn though. Its my blog, its my say.

I writing this cause I felt that I'm lossing my old friends. The old ones who have shown me happiness in the past. Because of the new friends I've been hanging around with, I felt that the relationship between me and my old friends are drifting apart. So close yet so far.

Talking about old friends, I missed a few peoples from GESS. The old batch has gone, but they do meet sometimes. The few that I missed is Rudi. Its a joke when people think that close friends are fighting because of a girl. Of course its normal to fight for a girl. But what has been said and done, you can't do anything about it. Baby choosed me, not him. And he can't get the fact that she's totally mine. He occasionally send text messages to baby but she won't reply him. I don't mind about it really. But why must our friendship be like this? Why over a girl and we're not even talking? I missed the old times.

My heart is always weak. I can easily breakdown into tears. Thinking about this can make my room flooded. I hate this feeling, I hate this part right here.

To you; If you hate me writing about your girlfriend on my blog, come holla at me. Is it wrong to write about a friend on a blog? This blog is to express my feelings and thoughts to the world. Its not as if I'm writing any bad stuff about her or the world, so its up to me to write stuff on this blog of mine.

I miss this two soooo much.

Happy Sweet 16!

Dear Noor Izham,

Happy sweet 16. You have finally grow one year! Now we can play pool together! Congratulations! Of all the friends I have, you'll always be needed by me. We have gone through ups and downs. The down moments was really down and I thought we will never be friends again. But well, past is past. You were there when I cried a few days ago, crying my heart out when I felt like a useless friend. Indeed I am busy now with my love one, but I will never push you or TKR away. Both TKR and Triplets, we are in it. Remember when we got drunk on the rooftop, we woke up with just the two of us? Sweet kan? HAHA. Tengok bintang sama-sama. Saturday, we'll do it together again, as a TKR family. From Vice-captain to the Captain, this cigarette I'm smoking, this is for you! Bestfriends forever.

With Love,
Danial.

Lack Of Punctuality

Punctuality is a noun from the word punctual. What is punctual? It is 'arriving or doing this at a point of time'. At a point of time does not mean its being late. Somebody has to teach kids what is punctuality.

I hate myself for being too kind or too nice to people. I finally realise how much pain it cost when nobody notice the good side of me. I've given the best, but all I get back is fucked up treatments. But when I tried to show the evil side of me, people just leave. Tell me how am I to be stern and make them realise?

I was suppose to meet my peeps at pondok before 7pm. But I took my own sweet time to reach there. The only reason I did that was to make them feel how it felt to be me when I was there alone waiting. I repeat, I was alone waiting. The waiting can carry on for more then an hour. Easy to say, theses people are selfish. So I thought to myself, why not I'll be selfish this time? Why not I take my own sweet time reaching? So I was at baby's house the whole day til about 6.30pm?

One of my friend. The most irritating one (if you know, raise your hands up high!). He kept on calling. I received a total of 5 missed calls from him. The reason why I did that, I was irritated. He'll call me and just asked for my whereabouts. 5 secs gone and the value inside my prepaid will be burnt due to him. Why can't these kind of people just text me for my whereabouts? Why must they call? Think about others please.

I reached pondok, and nobody was there. Not a single human being was there. I got to know they're at someone's house. Where's the patience that I have to endure when you were late? And the reason for you waiting was not because of me, its bacause of a bloody damn cigarettes. One middle finger points to you.

Who's next to be my victim? I wonder.

25th Is Today

I didn't notice that today is 25th until I saw her personal message. '25th, *sad face*', something like that. I'm glad I had already move on than just waiting for rain to fall on a desert. Not that I am digging bacl the past, but recalling on what had happen makes me smile. How stupid I was back then. Such a cool story if I wrote it down here. Cheating on a girl who had loved me so much. It could be another Romeo and Juliet love story if I can say.

As life goes on, I hope readers will remember the mistakes that I've made. The pain that I've been feeling since she left saying she still loves her ex-boyfriend. Jerk? Bitch? Nah, its a test from God. He wants you to have these kind of experience before you're married to one.

Moving on. 25th has been dug up. Now I have to bury it back before I start thinking about it. Never will I made those kinds of mistakes ever again. I'm in love with one, ONLE ONE. Never will be two or more. Fuck you if you think you ruin this relationship.

Your love is like a river, peaceful indeed.
Your soul is like secret, that never could keep
When I look into your eyes, I know that its true.
I love Nur Zulfiqah!

A Hero Lies Deep Within

She was a friend of mine, a bestfriend, a close friend, and definitely my ex-girlfriend. We have gone through alot. Ups and downs. We've been there for each other. Just a phone call away, and it felt like there's a shoulder to lean on when we're down. But today, I felt like shit. I wasn't there for her when she need me, when she needed a shoulder to cry on, my shirt to wipe the tears off her cheeks. I felt like a failure.

Met her in the morning. She talked to me about her bedridden grandfather who can't be helped by the educated doctors in Singapore. His life then turns to God's hands. I told her that I'll pray for him.

Everything when fine, as per normal, until after recess/break. I received a text message from her saying that grandfather just past away and his body is on the way back to Pioneer. She went there alone, crying her heart out. Yes, I know I was needed. So I called her in class. My eyes started to become watery as soon as she picked up the phone. I could feel the pain that is going through her heart. I told her to be strong when I too need to be strong.

I thought of witnessing the funeral while I stand close to her. What if Rudi was there witnessing the funeral too? I'm having a conflict with him because of baby. So I thought to myself, I don't want any trouble. And I have to back off before anything happens during the funeral. I send her a text message saying that I wanted to be there with her, but I can't. She replied, "Its okay. I understand. I don't want two of you fighting". So, I didn't go but I told her that I'll pray to God to have him safe 'up' there.

I went straight to baby's house. I was quiet all the way. I kept thinking, am I doing the right thing? Am I suppose to enjoy when my bestfriend is feeling down, misery? I know I was in the wrong. I kept it to myself. I lied to baby that I'm going home straight but I went to meet Izham at Clementi.

From Tiong Bahru to Dover, then to pondok's bus stop, tears kept rolling down my cheeks. I simply could not resist these tears. I guess the pipe is loose. Many people saw the tears. Saw Izham, sitting at the railing. He looked at me and started asking why tears were rolling down. I told him everything.

I send a text message to people that I'm close with. They told me that its too late to regret it. I have to regret what I had done. Because when I needed help, she was always there for me. But this time, she needed me but I wasn't there. I'm really disappointed with myself. I'm still crying for the fact that I was useless. Hopefully, she's fine with me by tomorrow.

From God we came, To God we return.

For You Asses!

I didn't plan on going out today, even if baby forces me to meet her. I swear I planned not to step 100 metres out of Jurong West no matter what the cause is. I was seriously having a high fever which made me changed my mind on playing takraw at Clementi.

Put yourself in my shoes. You are already tired plus sick but still your friends are acting like a fly buzzing around you ears, telling you to play takraw at some place far from your house. The place is not as if its just one or two bustops away, but its few kilometres away. What would you do? And one of your friends calling you 'nonok' behind the telephone. What would you do? Tell me, what would you f*cking do?!

All I need was a simple rest for tomorrow's lesson. I did not plan on slacking at baby's house or whatsoever. I told her to come over instead and she did. What if I told you to play takraw over my place? I know what you'll guys do. Mourn. Yup, you guys will mourn as usual. You won't want to come over my place to play cause you guys are lazy. Simple as that, I am freaking lazy to play down there. And I have my own limits to going back home late. What? You expect me to go back home late every single day for you guys? If my house is just round the block, I seriously won't mind.

Sometimes I think you are selfish. All you want is your own happiness. What about him? What about me? I still remembered him being attached and you changed your attitude towards him cause he has a girl when you don't have one. I remember those words he complaint to me. Now its my turn? No sweat, bring it on. Turn your dark side on me.

If anyone here feels the same way that I'm feeling, raise your hands up high. Stop calling people names before you know what's fact and fiction. You don't know whats the feeling of being called 'nonok'. Its like betraying your own friends for a girl. If its true and if I really done that, you can call me that. I don't care either. But this has to stop, seriously. Its irritating.

I'm still a TKR no matter what.

You Make Me Better

Olla amigos! I know some of you are missing me badly, well I do miss you too! Some wondering where I've been missing lately. Some wondering how's my life been. Some might want to 'kaypoh' about my love life. That's why I'm back at blogging. I see happy faces or some might give that 'whatever' face (especially Nadia).

For 3 months that have been so damn lonely and misery, now I'm happy. At least I am happy for now. For that 3 months, I've been blaming myself for what I've done to my 3rd. The last one had just been a joke to me, treating me like one ass. But well, let bygones be bygones. Don't close the book, but open a new chapter.

Curious why am happy now? I'm finally someone's property. Finally someone loves me deeply. Eventhough some might say I won't last long with baby, all I can say is nothing but I can do something. That is point one good finger; the middle one. Straight to your face I can show you that. For once, just let me be happy. At least I'm happy now. I don't know about later, but I believe nothing's going to change between me and baby.

I love you. What you think of this words? Simple but makes you feel blessed with care and love. The way she express those words to me, I can never stop smiling. Never had I felt this feelings before. I love her the most.
---

Met baby's family after the NUS projectwork interview. Adik (name, same pronounsation but different spelling) was super cute lah! Irritating but cute! If I were to get that kind of kid in future, I have to prepare a maid. Too hot to handle! Mama and auntie were kind to me than I expected. Bought for us drinks from Trully's Coffee and made me rose syrup after that. How caring can they be? Hugged and kissed her before leaving for home. My love will never die this time.

I Am Sleepy!

Its 5am in the morning and I can't get a goodnight sleep. Is it because of the 4-1 Liverpool win over Manchester United? Is it because of the coldness of the enviroment around (I tell you, its really freaking cold out here!)? Is it because of the irritating mosquitoes sucking my sweet blood? Or is it because of baby?

I've been thinking of her the whole day. Whenever I close my eyes shut, I can picture her infront of me murmuring the words 'I love you'. I can't imagine myself being with a girl who is 4 years younger than me. But I can't help it. I've fallen for her, fallen deeply into her lovely heart of hers. Eventhough lots might say that she's not the one, I don't give a damn about it. Cause I know I'm still young, I know that its not wrong to try this relationship. No matter how bad the situation has been, I'm still here loving for you. I love you bby and I know you love me too!

You should be wondering where I am right now. Some knows, some don't. I'm in school. I am attending NCC camp which still I am treating it as a chalet. I came, then go as I wished. What to do? I'm a goddamn SIR already.

Goddamn it, I can't take this any longer. My eyes are too heavy now. I have to get a rest before meeting bby later. Nights/morning people!

Guess Who's Back!

I AM SO SORRY!

I know I took so long to update this blog. I was too busy or too busy just to make myself busy (get it?). Lots of things happen this past few days. Some brought me up, some pulled me right back down to motherland and it hits me hard till I was too lazy to pull myself back up.

Imagine this. You loved someone so much that you dared to do anything for her. Basically everything. You risked everything; time, sleep, money, food. But your effort was not seen or appreciated by that loved one.

You found out something shocking early morning. Just as soon you entered the school, you heard the news about her being forced to be attached with a guy. How ridiculous can it be? But well, move on. That's what I did. And I'm happy now.

Went down to Plaza Singapura yesterday to support FFDC. They weren't that bad either. Fee was superb! No joke, her moves are smooth. I was impressed though. Well done FFDC! Done be sad cause you didn't make it through, there's still lots of time for improvement.

I got to meet Nadd but just for a short while. We didn't get to do what we wanted but well, there's still next time. I didn't get to meet that someone. I missed her badly. :(

I have to end it here. Sorry if its a short post. I promise you that next will be a long one. A story perhaps? I have got to finish up my chemistry project now. Bye readers!

Whenever you look me in the eyes, I can see my happiness. Whenever you smile, I melt like an ice-cream.

The Words Of The Day

What's the use of violence/fistfights? It only cause you and the other to get hurt. The next thing you know, the police knows about it. Not saying I'm too scared to fight anymore, but it is a waste of time. Fight because of staring, banging to each other or walking with open 'wings'. If fight for my family, I don't mind. But because of you staring, I won't want to cause problems. You're still a kid to me, you're 2 years younger. Remember that.

Sorry I didn't post on Wednesday. I brought my laptop to school, but I was too busy continueing on my 'project'. Happy to see it done back again. (:

I had Prize Giving Ceremony cum PTA. Watching friends being on stage made my mind start to imagine things. I suddenly became down. Not even wanting to share my happiness with them. I was rude to Mr Paul Lee. Screw him for not letting me remove access stuffs from my anus.

6 words that made me smile while I went back home. She called just to say she missed me very much. So you have guessed it. She said, "Dan, I miss you very much". For the first time, those words do touch my heart. I almost teared along Clementi Ave 2. Called just to say she missed me very much, how sweet can it get? Somemore, we've gone through lots of stuff. How many lovers get involve in our relationship, nothing can change the way I think about her. I miss you more, Dee!

Lossing Is Never The End

Lossing is what I call a lesson. When you lose, never give up hope. What you have to do is, learn from the mistakes you've made. Keep your head up. In life there is obstacles for you to go through. Some easy obstacles, some hard ones.

We lost against Beatty. Everyone was down, even me. I was crying alone at one side. We lost due to my mistakes. There's so many free kicks that I kept missing. I knew I should have done better, but my mind was completely somewhere else. I lost my concentration during the match. And I'm sorry about that.

With 2 more games to play, all we have to do is pray. Pray hard to God for his assistance. We need to win both games in order to qualify. There's 50-50 chance of winning AMKSS. I would just want to bring glory to GESS.

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My tagboard has came up to life all of a sudden. Some praising about my English, some about Taufik Batisah and some about missing me. I do miss alot of people lately. Most importantly, I do miss Balqis alot. Meet soon okay?? And thanks for tagging. Without you people tagging, I'll think that my blog is dead and then I'll delete this blog. So keep tagging people!

For your info, I'll update only on any of the weekends and either Wednesday or Thursday. Wednesday and Thursday is my free period day cause I've drop my POA so I could bring my laptop to school on those days.

Have a good weekend readers!

A Night That Changed Everything

A night in school completely changed my whole life. I was really down till I don't have anymore hope to live in this world. I felt like killing myself. I had my body balanced on a 15 storey building last night. It's not a joke. I did felt like killing myself. To end my life and to end the problems that I've cause for the whole world. I'm nothing but problems to everyone.

I asked myself, why should I end my life for the wrongs that I've done? Why can't I improve on it? Why can't I learn the mistakes that I've done and change myself to a better person? Questions start popping out of my head. One by one, I can't answer them.

$25.69. The numbers from the taxi meter was read by a malay taxi driver. He charged me with only $20. He said, "Simpanlah duit kau, you'll need it". All I did was smiled and thanked him. I stepped out of the vehicle and I saw the quote written on a wall of the school. That as many hands built a house, So many hearts make a school. I was outside Gan Eng Seng School. The school that had changed my life, changed me from a boy to a man. I was thankful that I posted to GESS.

I tried climbing up a window of the stairs, but it was too high for me. I can't get to the classroom blocks so I just laid down on the arena. Head's facing up to the dark sky. I closed my eyes, picturing every moment that I had since I entered this school. Suddenly, someone tapped me on my shoulders. I was shocked and scared at the moment, when someone asked why I was in school. I was trespassing, that was the reason why I was scared, afraid of getting scolded by someone higher than me. An old malay uncle, in his 50s or 60s, was the one who tapped on my shoulders.

"I'm stressed up," I murmured to him in malay. He asked why and what happen. I got up to my legs and started walking.

I told every single details that happen in my whole life. Not even one was not told. We sat outside GESSCOVE. He told me about a story of a man who nearly lost everything in his life due to his rudeness and selfishness. The story even had a meaning in it. I was told not to share it with anyone. What is told there should be left there.

"God gives us one chance to live but many chances for us to change into a better person," he whispered to my ears and left. I tried to follow him but his pace was too fast. He turned to the classroom block and he was gone. Nowhere to be found. Never in my life, I've seen an old man walked that fast before. I clearly forgot to ask him questions. Who is he? Why is he there? What was his motive to talk to me about that story? One thing that really gives me the creeps, he does looks like my late grandfather. Was it just my imagination? I don't even know.

As I walked home, the words that he said kept repeating in my head. I realised I was in the wrong. Its time for a change. I'm sorry for everything. I swear to you, everything has changed.