Those Three Words Still Can't Come Out.

8 years of knowing you, 5 years of admiring you.

Two simply great, wonderful days. Yesterday and today. 21st and 22nd of december 2008. I finally got to see my old friend, my old crush. Without this friend of mine, Hajar, I don't know where to find her. For 8 years of knowing each other and 5 years of admiring her, I finally made my first move. For that 5 years of admiring her or loving her, I had never spoke those three words that I could easily said it to anyone.

We had lost contact for almost 2 years. But still that name of hers were still fresh in my heart. We had gone through lots of shits. Family problems, love problems and much more. To me, all those stupid problems would be gone when she's around me. Her presence would conquer all of it, step it, as if they had never happen. Maybe I couldn't find the right one to be my soulmate cause you were the one? Maybe all of the relationships I had were never to last long cause we were suppose to be together and last till forever?

Almost 2 years we lost contact, she really changed. From the bad girl to good girl. Lets say, Bad girl gone good. Her english was power! There's this slang in it, as if she's from the States. She never had lots of piercings anymore. The rest didn't change. Still love it this way. Her looks doesn't matter but her heart does.

Her name is 'Butterfly'. I gave her name randomly cause I don't want anybody to know. But two from the outside world has seen her, Heamenjit Singh and Jessie Lam. Goddamn it you two. Why Jurong Point? Watch at other places lah, alamak. All I know Heamen's gonna start his crap when he came online.

I thank you, Hajar, for bringing her back to me. Bringing her back to my life. Sincerely I said thank you.

Today/yesterday, 22nd of December. I was suppose to go for an interview that Butterfly told me about. Her mom wants people to work. Butterfly wants me to work with her so I took it. Was suppose to be there around 2pm. But I forgot about the soccer match between GESS and OSS. So I had to cancel the interview.

We won. Score? I don't know. All I know, we scored alot. And for the first time, I didn't score during the match. Mr Lim said I was the Man-Of-The-Match cause I worked really hard. Played Centre Midfield for the first time and I didn't really felt much tired. Stamina was good. I guess its because I'm cutting down on my ciggs? Happy? Happy ah! Man-Of-The-Match yknow! How good can I get?

After the match, I checked my phone. 3 missed calls from Butterfly. So I called back. She said she wants to go out, she invited me but I didn't picked up the phone. She said she's meeting Hajar at Fontier Library, so I followed. Hajar was mad cause we were late. Sorry babe! My fault. Hajar went back home, me and Butterfly went Jurong Point to eat. I only got $2+ and I thought of eating at Banquet but it was full of people. So we went to Mcd. Halfway while we were eating, guess who I saw? Heamen and Jessie. My mouth dropped, the Milo that I was holding almost slipped through my hands. I didn't expect anyone that I knew to be here, at Jurong. I guess Singapore's too small.

Sent Butterfly to her house which is located at Commonwealth. I was from Tiong to Jurong, then Jurong to Commonwealth. I was tired but she took it. I didn't felt pain or tired when she's around me. No joke. Inside the lift, I gave her a goodnight kiss. For the first time in 8 years, I gave her that kiss. Never I had the intention of doing it but it just happen. She went quite. As the door closed, she looked at me and said, 'I felt like not going home'. Maybe she thinking of staying with me tonight but I can't. With family problems I'm facing, it's not a good time to bring her home. One day, she will.

Should the love in me for her grows or should it just stay this way. Nadia! I need help!